Beating the Post-Wedding Blues
First comes love, then comes marriage, and then…what? After months (or sometimes years!) planning and dreaming up the perfect wedding day, some couples (but girls I’m talking to you here) can feel some post wedding blues. Why does this happen? Is it normal? Are you crazy for feeling this way? Is your newfound relationship doomed?! What can be done to fix it?!?
Okay, okay…deep breaths. In….and out…..once more….okay is your breathing back to normal or at least you’ve stopped hyperventilating? Good. So post wedding blues are VERY normal and common. It’s science. Almost 10% of women experience some form of depression during their first year of marriage. Two researchers, Allison Scott and Laura Stafford looked into this more and found that women ranged from being bored, but happy to blue and depressed. It seemed to be the trend that the happy brides felt their wedding marked a new chapter in their lives and the blue brides saw their wedding as the end goal. Is one view more right than another view? No! These feelings do not mean your relationship is doomed from the start. You’ve spent a lot of time and energy on planning on the details to arguably the biggest party you’re going to throw. Feelings of boredom and sadness once that is over are inevitable. And admit it, a small part of you is going to miss that spotlight and friends and family wanting to talk about shades of blush or the best canapes to serve during cocktail hour. But when the last bottle of bubbly has popped and the last sparkler has sparkled, what things can you do after the wedding to keep the Eeyore feelings at bay?
1. Plan your post-wedding life during the planning process
Make Pinterest work overtime for you! For every pin you add to your wedding vision board, make another board and pin something to do for after the big day. Whether it be a recipe or date night idea, an exotic vacation or new paint swatches to revamp your house. Little things like this can give you something else to look forward to and not fall into a slump.
2. Get a jump on those Thank You Cards
Want to relive your day again and again? Write it down in your Thank you’s! Tell your guests how much you appreciated them being there for you at the wedding…mention an anecdote from the evening or how you plan on using their specific gift in your newlywed life. They will appreciate the personalization and by the time you have signed, stamped, and sent your last thank you, you will be ready to focus on something else.
3. Have a “No Wedding Talk” day of the week…and stick to it!
Pick a day of the week (let’s say Wednesday for this blog) and ban all forms of wedding related talk. No talk of favors or floral, dresses or tuxes. Take the time for you and your soon-to-be-spouse and have a relaxing night together. Start a hobby together, go to the gym, or take a walk around town. Starting habits like this and continuing them after the nuptials will help you get into a routine of separating yourself from the wedding planning.
4. Give yourself things to look forward to
Have you ever thrown a dinner party for your mom and dad? Cooked a pot roast for Grandma? Hosted a cocktail party for friends? That seems like some grown up married lady stuff right? Oh wait! You are a grown up married lady now!! Put your new gadgets to good use and be social! Plan small things for you to plan and prep and look forward to. Even for just you and your spouse, make dinner more intimate by turning off the TV and lighting a few candles. Plan a day trip to a place you two haven’t been before. Staying busy is key to fighting the post wedding blues.
So, are you feeling a bit better now? It’s okay if you’re not 100% there yet. Getting married is a HUGE transition and the process from saying fiancée to husband is different for everyone. Don’t get yourself too overwhelmed and keep in the mind the big day is just that…a day. Afterward you have a lifetime to spend with your person and really, isn’t that the most important part?
Gordon, Amie M. “Wedding Bell Blues: Dealing with Post-Wedding Depression.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 26 July 2012, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-you-and-me/201207/wedding-bell-blues-dealing-post-wedding-depression.
Torgerson, Rachel. “The Postwedding Blues Are Actually a Thing-Here’s How to Deal.” Theknot.com, The Knot, www.theknot.com/content/post-wedding-blues-tips-for-dealing.
Photo: A Thousand Words Photography
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